Provence from Fayence outwards

Bugs in Provence? Surely not.

I was shocked to read in Telegraph that pockets of Provence are over-run by giant scorpions, beetles, squabbling hornets, stinging centipedes, allergy caterpillars and the like. Piffle I say, it's a land of lavender, olive oil and figs.

"Twice we've been woken by scorpions crawling over our legs under the covers. The trouble is that, like most countryside dwellings alongside the Mediterranean, it's not just the scorpions you have to watch, it's a whole host of supersized arachnids and unpleasantly shaped bugs that can sting, bite, grip, plague and scare you until you agree that it's their house, too.... At one point last summer we had scolopendra in the roof terrace, wasps stinging people beside the pool, hornets fighting in the fig tree, a giant wasp spider shaking his web in the lavender, a foot-long green lizard hiding behind the back door and a snake hissing from the bay tree, as well as the squadrons of scorpions and black indescribables in the garage. Still want to move to Provence?"

Maybe the writer was an insect-gaoler in a previous life? OK, I confess, there are one or two bugs but they're terribly pleasant, especially the crickets who are soooo playful the children catch them bare-handed.

Solar powered insect killer

Each summer and season brings a plague of different bugs and insects to Provence. One year it's two-inch millipedes, drawn out into the sunshine after torrential downpours. The next season it's the stupid, lazy longhorn beetle you bump into everywhere.

Our pet hate is the flying ant who rock up for a few days and hunt down candle-light in droves as you're relaxing on the patio.Normally, we burn citronella candles to deter these beasts.

Now, I think I've discoverd a way of nuking them once and for all: the solar powered insect killer. Simple in name and concept, but will it work as efficientlly as it suggests? Low in carbon print, will it be high in death rates? Guidance sought!

Olives en Provence

What can I say? Shiny green olives growing on the vine (?) against the azure blue skies of Provence.

Lavender

Our lavender is in full bloom. Lavender is the great Provence plant (well along with olives and figs and wine). We grow it aorund the swimming pool imagining it will keep the wasps and bees off the humans. Plus the butterflies love it.

So I took my teeny digital camera (not the big impressive Nikon) and waved it around in the general directions of the butterflies and got this...

And there are more on Flickr.

Grape diet

L'Occitane has launched some grape-based products: Grape Shower Oil, Grape Crushed Polish, Grape Warming Body Wrap, Grape Anti-Water Retention Gel and Grape Beauty Milk. But smothering your body with these things is not enough: you need to go on a 30-day grape diet.

"Those who have tried the whole thing testify to having lighter, more supple and toned bodies with sharper minds and lots more energy," says the reviewer from Malaysia. She lost 2kg in a half-hearted, slimmed-down version of the Grape Diet. Here's L'Occitane's official grape page, highlighting the "French tradition of detoxing by eating only grapes for several days."

This writer has always believed in having a large amount of grape-based products in his diet. There is a proven techniques - pioneered by the Romans - involving squeezing the juice out of grapes and letting it ferment in barrels. You then bottle the stuff and take the product orally. It comes in two basic colours: red and white. A hybrid pink version - particularly popular in Provence - is also available for summer months.

Lavender Routes

Lavender is definitely in vogue as our interest in healthy herbs blooms - I even noticed an article from Wisconsin about the stuff. And then...I came across a map of the lavender routes in Provence on French Duck.

Now, we can all drive by and take those "classic lavander fields in provence" photos...

Pastis spices weapon against bird flu

I gave evidence that drinkers of the ever-popular Provence drink Pastis will be safe from the ravages of bird flu.

How so? The man from Ricard explains all: "From this one plant (Star Ansise) you can make both a drink -- pastis  -- and a pharmaceutical product, Tamiflu," said Albert Elgrissy, communications director for the pastis maker Ricard in Marseille. "To make pastis, Pernod Ricard adds anethol -- an essential oil extracted from star anise -- in a ratio of two to one thousand to liquorice, sage, lavender and other herbs of Provence. Meanwhile the Swiss Roche laboratories extract shikimic acid from the plant's woody part. This acid is a molecule needed to produce Tamiflu. Thirteen grams (0.46 ounces) of star anise are required to produce 10 Tamiflu capsules prescribed to treat a person contaminated with avian flu."

Houblon or what?

Last year in Provence, one of these hung out in the beams on the patio. It lived with a friend in the wall cavity at the top of the house and banged merrily away in the early morning. If you tapped back, it shut up. This year, it's been spotted in the old chicken coop. Our friends Ray & Jill said it's a "houblon" which is what we've called it ever since. But there's no such thing (I googled Houblon and it's French for hop).

What on earth is it? Answers in the comments, please.