Provence from Fayence outwards

Coleen and Wayne to wed on the Riviera

Coleen and Wayne are coming to town, according to Marie Claire.

Beats the Wirral, I guess, but I wonder where?

Bono and Cruz on the French Riviera

Hot gossip suggests that Bono (lead singer of popular rock band U2) is hanging out with Penelope Cruz on the French Riviera.

OK, so you're a globally renowned and instantly recognisable celeb. Hmmm, let's see, where can we discreetly nuture a new affair, away from cameras and people. So not the Riviera.

Jack Nicholson on the Riviera

The French Riviera attracts and exposes even the greatest. You've probably seen Jack's Provence Gallery by now and here is the best selection online. I'd be happy at 70 surrounded by a bevvy of beautiful blondes.

What's shocking is the diet and exercise regime: baguettes, fags, diet coke and a modest stretch. Way to go, Jack.

Beckham's Bargemon villa kiboshed

Poor Beckham. Bargemon's mairie could order the bulldozers in to their luxury £5m pad in Bargemon, Provence, all because the appropriate planning permission was not obtained.

We all know the French can be tough on administration, but we'd hardly expect this to extend to zapping Beckham's spanking new £1.3m poolhouse, complete with triple shower room, indoor BBQ, chill out lounge and all round sound system. (Just like mine - so not).

In the immortal words of 20minutes.fr, which alerted me to the story: "Beckham a des soucis avec l’immobilier français."

Beckhams in Nice

Sad that the Beckhams have that nice villa in Bargemon, but prefer hanging out at Elton's pad in Nice. If you like Beckham photos, check out Hello.

Michael Jackson on the Riviera

Michael Jackson, the recording artist known for his unexpected tastes, is holidaying on the French Riviera - dressing as a woman.

I felt like that once when I visited St. Tropez. I wore a bandana.

Gordon Ramsey in St Tropez

Gordon Ramsey - A list chef & now dubbed "gorging Ramsey" by the Mirror - went the beach at St. Tropez after a nice, big lunch, took off his shirt, as you do, to reveal a big, fat tum. Quoth the Mirror, "as he stripped off on one of the Cote D'Azur's beaches, it was clear the foul-mouthed star has been letting himself go. His flabber heaved as he jabbered on his mobile while walking on the beach."

I am starting a campaign to keep the beaches of the Riviera clean.

Nicholson in St. Tropez

Jack Nicholson fooling around at St Tropez with Lara Flynn Boyle. I did not take this picture in case your're wondering.

Seems like a lot of people down there at the moment, what with Sean Combs party and all.

Liz Hurley at Cannes

Quotes Ms. Hurley at the Cannes Film Festival, where she launched her new swimwear range: "I know it's a little retro coming to Cannes in bikinis." I wish I'd said that.

For fans of La Hurley (& other celebrities with impressive decolletages), Hollywood Tuna has a swathe of photos from Cannes.

Beckham's Bargemon villa haunted

Beckham's Bargemon villa in Provence is haunted, per the Daily Mail.  It is exactly three years since the couple paid £1.5 million for the property after "falling in love" with it on a flying visit in 2003. Yet since then, they have not spent a single night there. (They prefer Elton's gaff in Nice).

A white-bearded apparition - allegedly the previous owner who committed suicide at the end of a crippling muscle disease - has been spotted by locals. "It was just a few months after Leslie's death that the reports of his ghost wandering around started. He would never harm anybody - he just mumbles a bit, going on about naval battles and other historical events which he was passionate about."

Posh don't like ghosts, so that's that. They only found out about the "hauntings" after the purchase, it seems.

What a bizarre story.